Your value and worth to this world

Society tends to tell us who we are and who we should strive to be as men. So much pressure is put on us to be providers of money to our families. And if we are not making a lot of money we are quickly beaten down as worthless and no good. Our job titles and status are constantly pushed in our faces as indicators of our success. If we don’t have the big titles or big status, then we are made to feel less than a man. This has become the prize in our eyes. It seems to be the end all be all of our existence. We are made to believe that all of our self worth and happiness will come from it. That you must be willing to sell your soul to do what it takes to get there. It makes us corrupt in our dealings with people and money. We are willing to give up quality relationships with family and friends for these things. We need to stop and say no more.

A man’s worth is not in him providing money. There is so much more that a man provides. A man is not worth the job title that he carries. A man’s worth is much deeper and tangible than words written next to his name that a company created. A man is worth more than the status of fame that captivates the attention of many. I believe that this is the time where people are looking to be captivated by a different type of man. A man with self-worth, a man of extraordinary character, a man grounded in faith, strengthened by principles, protected by values and guided by wisdom. A man that knows how to express himself and is not afraid to express his true feelings to other like minded men, his family, his God, and his wife. A man that doesn’t settle for second best, but waits for the ultimate best, because he knows he is worth it. This is a man of old that has been reborn, raised from the ashes like the phoenix. Blazing a path for other men to be inspired, to also rise and blaze their own path. A man’s vision and mission should be fueled from the passion that burns deep in his soul, not from the pressures of the world bearing down on his back. 

Duane Moore

Pursuit of Manhood: The Man that Stands

Pursuit of Manhood: The Man that Stands:                 Uncharted water, unpaved roads, unexplored land; is what manhood brings. There are times in your life when you will stand a...

The Man that Stands

                Uncharted water, unpaved roads, unexplored land; is what manhood brings. There are times in your life when you will stand alone; you will be the only one standing. But you will be standing for something. If you are not standing for something you are not living. You have no backbone, you have weak knees. As a man you will stand by yourself often. Because as a man you are ruled by your belief system, a set of principles and values that govern your thoughts and actions.

                A man is someone who will stand for something even if he is alone, the only one willing to fight for what he believes is right. This journey of manhood is not for followers. Manhood is about leading. Leading one’s self through this life and through the unknown; Leading your thoughts; leading your words and actions; Leading the people around you. Leadership is about setting an example for others to follow. Yes every man is a leader. A leader is not for one person. A leader is a state of thinking and being. It’s not a onetime thing or a title. But it is who you are, it is an identity.

                A man is not meant to conform, but to transform the world around him. A man goes against the grain and tides for the sake of his honor and glory. And this honor and glory is never for him but for his King and his people. A man’s stand is staying true to his word. Being consistent in who he is. Being a man requires a constant identification of being someone people can count on. A man is trustworthy. People trust a man because he exemplifies characteristics and traits of a trustworthy person. Loyalty is his garment that brings him great pride and joy. A man’s loyalty is like no other. That is why they say “ a man’s best friend” when referring to a dog, because dogs are one of the most loyal animals you can have as a pet. Men hold dear to loyalty. Nothing means more to him than loyalty, because in loyalty he gives his heart. He gives it to those who can be loyal. A man’s heart is a rare diamond that not everyone can enjoy. His heart is only for the loyal that can take care of it, embrace it, respect it and love it. A man’s heart will harden before it will experience betrayal.

             Don’t be dejected when you are living through the moments of standing alone. These are the moments of glory. These are the moments where you are strengthened and learn about yourself. These are the moments you get to stand as a man.

 “Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.”

- Ephesians 6:11

“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” – 1 Corinthians 16:13

Duane

Parenthood

When you become a parent, it is no longer about you.  When you have a child to raise, your life is not for you to do whatever you want. When you bring another precious life into this world, you have to make decisions that are for the best this precious life. No more can you embrace and act on the ideal of “what's in it for me”. You embrace and act on the ideal of what's best for this little child.

Selflessness is what being a parent is about; sacrificing your wants for the needs of your child; putting their well being before your comfort and preferences.  This is not easy but it is do able with perfect love; Genuine agape love.

Being a parent requires you to make decisions that demonstrate love and wisdom for your child. It is not simple to make certain decision. It can be downright difficult when it hurts your core but it is needed for their growth and development.

Our kids need us to make the difficult decisions. They need to see how it's done. They need to see the strength that it takes to make those tough calls.

Our kids are completely relying on us to take care of them. They are relying on us to make the best decisions for their lives, and to set them up to be successful and grow into mature adults. They have no choice and say in the matter. They are helpless to our decisions for their lives until they are grown enough to make decisions for themselves. We need to realize the precious gift and serious responsibility of caring for them, protecting them and grooming them into mature, wise and productive men and women for this world; their world that we are leaving to them. Our gift and legacy to the world is our children.

Duane

Fatherhood

That child you’re holding is the best of you. How you treat yourself will ultimately show through your interaction with that little one.   

           

When you first hold that little baby, you have begun to live life holding your heart in your hands. That precious child is your heart and you will protect your heart no matter what. This is parenthood; this is the driving force in fatherhood- loving with your heart exposed to the elements of the world.

Your reason for living has shifted. You have entered into a different realm of existing. The reasons that use to cause you to live move and breathe have changed. You need to quickly adapt to this new environment, to this new way of existing. You begin to see the world as your parents see's it. Now you see through the eyes of a father.

* This warm soft beating freshly delivered baby sits into the crevasses of my arms and chest. The rhythm of its pulsing body is familiar to me. This rhythm is the rhythm of my heart.

One of the most comforting thing as a parent is knowing that your child knows that you love them.

Managing your Emotions: The emotions of a man

One of the most fundamental things that you need to continue to master in life is managing your emotions. This is true for everyone who has emotions, basically every human being. Especially being a man, you are given great power and responsibility and are required to be able to not lord your power and responsibilities over others. If you have no management system to regulate your emotions, it will destroy everything you attempt to build. If you allow your emotions to grow untamed and groomed, then you will be a volatile person resembling a volcano that erupts with the slightest change of wind pattern.

Relationships are most impacted by managed and unmanaged emotions. When you are quick to scream and yell at a family member because they said or did something that was not favorable, you have demonstrated unmanaged emotions. You have chosen to not show self-control and to hurt this person with your words and actions. More importantly you have chosen to give this person power over you to control you and cause you to erupt; you have allowed them to pull you away from a place of peace and equilibrium to a place of chaos and unbalance (confusion). Yes it is your choice; you don’t have to blow up. You don’t have to let someone’s words or actions offend you. If you do, you are choosing to be offended. You are choosing to give someone’s words and actions power. Power to disrupt your life. Power to bring chaos and confusion to your mind and heart. They have thrown you off your game. Other people don’t defeat us, we allow ourselves to be defeated. We defeat ourselves.

As a man you need to learn how to manage your emotions especially when you have a wife, i.e. learning to be forgiving; showing her grace and mercy endlessly; choosing not to be mad at her mistakes; choosing not to blow up when she says or does something not beneficial to you or the marriage, no matter how small or big. Does that mean we don’t get hurt; of course not! We are humans and we have feelings. We can’t deny those feeling and emotions. Managing your emotions is not denying your feelings. It is not becoming stone cold and not caring about people, yourself or the world. It is not being apathetic.

Managing your emotions is being honest about how you feel, choosing to deal with it and choosing to respond in a beneficial way to both you and the surrounding party involved. It is choosing to remember who you are and your worth and value and choosing to reject negativity directed at you. It is choosing to keep silent first, so you can listen; giving you the correct information to respond to the situation at hand. It is waiting, observing and assessing the situation before responding. It is not reacting. Reacting is the opposite of responding. In reacting you have no control; you are a slave, a victim to what is happening to you. You have relinquished your right and authority to choose. When you choose to respond you are not a victim or slave, but a victor and a free man.

These qualities of victory and freedom are crucial in your leading as a man and being an influence in the world around you.

Proverbs 16:32

“Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.” 

Transitioning to Manhood

Childhood is your preparation for transitioning into manhood.

One of the greatest challenges in manhood is no longer interacting with the world as a child, but as a man. Your goal is to make this as smooth as possible. Unfortunately there is always an area of your life that breaks you into manhood. A smooth transition is ideal. But, There is a price to pay to be a man. There’s a cost. It requires hard work, focus, determination and persistence like no other. It is one of the most naturally painful process, and beautiful in every way.

You can’t run away from it. It will hunt you down, because you were created for it. You were designed to be a man, a God type man. It is our destiny. We do have the choice of how we want that to play out. You can embrace it and flourish or elude and be humbled. Either way you will experience the journey called manhood.

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”- 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NKJV)

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside.”- 1 Corinthians 13:11 (AMP)

“I put the ways of childhood behind me”- 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)

It is time to hang up the title of childhood. It is time to build a new way of thinking. It is time to develop new actions that represent responsible excellence.

How do you view yourself compared to other adults? Adults older than you?

How do you view education, work, money, women, children, house, cars, family, parents, siblings, religion, politics, etc. now as an adult than when you were a child? 

The eyes of a child are innocent. Everything about a child is innocent. Then experiences start to mold and shape that child into an adult whose perspectives have changed and preferences has formed and beliefs developed.

You’ve made your mark as a boy. Now how do you make your mark as a man? The rules are different the land is abstract. Everything you knew and understood as a child will be challenged and reshaped as a man. Knowledge and wisdom have before a familiar friend. They need to be, in order to survive and navigate this abstract shift to the world of manhood.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."- Romans 12:2 (ESV)

Duane

Role Models

As a Christian man, I have a standard to follow in all my relationships and roles in life.

As a husband, I have the standard and example of loving my wife like Jesus has loved his bride; the church. In order to do this I need to know, understand and experience God’s love for me.

As a father, I have the standard and image of my heavenly father to model after towards my kids. I know how to be a father, because I have experienced the heart of The Father.

As a son, I have the standard and pattern of what son-ship looks like; from the life of Jesus and his interactions with his earthly parents and his Heavenly Father.

As a friend, I have the standard and illustration of true friendship; a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

As a leader, I have the standard and depiction of true leadership to follow from; servant leadership and leading by example is my foundation and identity of leadership.

As men we have a model to follow. God didn’t leave us on this earth to completely figure things out on our own. He has given himself and his Son for us to model after. He helps us by starting with the male figures in our lives. Some of us have a father figure, others don’t, some have good figures others have destructive figures that don’t deserve being called a father.

The men that we see, we can draw from their lives. Whether they are aware of us observing them or not, we can observe and learn. We can take their good and discard their bad and develop ourselves into the men that we want to be- which should align with what God wants us to be. Just because you may not have had a father figure in your life or a good one doesn’t mean you are hopeless or out of luck. You have the ability and power to learn from other men by reading about them, watching them and actually building relationships with other men that you admire. Picking what you like and throwing away what you don’t.

“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” - 1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV)

^“22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. ²³ Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. ²⁴ Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.”- Ephesians 4:22-24 (NLT)

“ Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. ² Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.”- Ephesians 5:1-2 (NLT)

^“17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. ¹⁸ And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

- 2 Corinthians 3:17-18 (ESV)

Duane

Jesus is the Essence of manhood

I was trying to write for the man without Jesus in his heart, but it is impossible to talk about manhood without talking about Jesus and the Father heart of God. The principles and values from which I am living my life as a man, is through Jesus and Biblical truth. I can't lead another man through manhood without showing him Jesus my Lord and Savior. To do so would be a disservice to the one I'm leading and to Jesus who leads me. I can't take the credit for the life I am living as a man. I need to be able to boast about how God has changed me, healed me and made me into a new man; a godly man after his own heart.

The truth is, we can't begin to genuinely walk through the journey of manhood without embracing God and all he has done for us. Once you have accepted the beloved son of God then you can start the journey of understanding and knowing what a man is and who the man you are suppose to be.

Only once you embrace the need of a savior and realize that Jesus is the way and truth to manhood, then you can grab hold of authentic manhood. So I will not water down my message of manhood for the fear of running people away. I am convinced that this will be for the person who is looking for Jesus, and whom Jesus is calling.
            

  My approach is to show you how Jesus is the essence of Manhood by sharing how he has transformed me into the man I am today and continues to transform me. I will share with you the truths he has shown me each day I walk this earth as a man.

The reason why we branch out into manhood away from other men guiding us, is so we can find Jesus who is the essence of manhood. We need to learn how to be guided by him and the only way is to actually be guided by him. No crutches, no running to the shoulders of an earthly man. Only the arms of Jesus do you run to daily. Nothing anyone says to you will resonate with you at this point because only the words and voice of Jesus can penetrate to the core of your manhood. Only Jesus can activate who you are and where you are going. 

To know the Father you have to rely on him as a son. To know the son you have to look up to him and follow him as a younger brother. To know the Groom you have to submit and love like a bride. To know the Holy Spirit as Counselor and reveal-er of truth, you have to receive like someone willing to be counseled and a seeker of truth. In order to know- you have to be what it takes to receive the knowledge. You have to act in order to receive the experience.

Ownership

Manhood requires that you take ownership of your life. You must realize that your decisions matter. You have a choice in everything that you do, think and believe in. You can’t rely on others to tell you what to do, or how to think or what to believe in. You as a man have to make those decisions yourself. You need to have a resolve in yourself about what kind of man you want to be. No one can tell you what man to be or how to be it. The decisions that you make will be based on what you believe. You will need to take ownership of what you believe in. Everything that you will do will be based on what you believe. The belief system that you develop over the years will require you to defend it. You will have to stand alone at times, because of what you believe. No matter what area and topic in life it maybe, you will have to show strength in what you believe by backing it up with action.

For the young man that may not have had a father in their life or a man that was constantly present loving on them and pouring life wisdom into them about being a man, I have a couple of things to tell you. First, I am sorry that you have had to live a life without the constant positive image of a male role model. But what manhood requires now that childhood is behind you is to realize that your past does not have to dictate your future. You don’t need to be searching and waiting and hoping for someone to come along to be a role model in your life. You can take action, by taking ownership in the developmental process of yourself growing into the man you desire and are seeking to be. You can read books about different men and their life journey, drawing from what shaped and molded them. You can look back at all the men that have come into your life, whether for a year, a moment or even for just one word. You can rejoice in them leaving a mark. Because sometimes it is those one word golden nuggets, moments of wisdom and loving acknowledgement that will be engraved in your memory and ignite something in you that propels you into the man you are meant to be. So think back on all those times when someone has said or done something positive in your life. Grab hold of it and run with it. Add it to your library of manhood development.

My questions to you are: What is your belief system? What are your values and principles in life? These things will be your navigation, your compass in the decisions that you make and the path that you will pave. A man without a belief system, values and principles- is like a blank piece of paper being tossed endlessly around the land by the wind. This is the journey of manhood that builds foundation and stability. This is the search that every one of us must go on. These are the things that will help you to discover and understand who you are and your purpose. This is the time to get to know the real you; To be intimate with yourself in ways that scares you; To be honest with yourself when all you have is denial and lies that you tell yourself. This is where the fun begins. This is the adventure that waits when transitioning from childhood into manhood.

Take action in owning the responsibility of discovering, understanding and building your vision of being a man.

“Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” John 13:17

“The Lord our God said to us in Horeb, ‘You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Turn and take your journey, and go to the hill country of the Amorites…See, I have set the land before you. Go in and take possession…” Deuteronomy 1:6-8

“Arise, for this matter is your responsibility. We also are with you. Be of good courage, and do it.”Ezra 10:4

Duane

It is an Individual Journey not a lonely one

 I had always thought how lonely this journey of manhood was. At times of overwhelming moments and pressure I felt alone, that there was no one to talk to about what I was going through. Others guys didn’t seem to talk about the deep things that were happening in their lives. It seemed like you have to deal with whatever you were going through alone; never to involve anyone else. Yes, there were close friends and mentors. But it seemed like the issues of being a man was not talked about. This feeling really reared its ugly head when I became a husband. The pressure that I felt having to now provide and lead was crippling. I thought I was going to die from the weight of this role that I was learning and growing in. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have had many men from whom I was able to learn from and who have taken me under their wings and loved on me. I mainly experienced this during my college year’s just up to getting married. But as soon as I got married it seemed like everyone disappeared. My world shifted and I was now required to navigate this new world of husbandhood by myself. People would mention in secret codes on the pressures of being a husband but I couldn’t decode them. People mentioned, in what seemed to me, as riddles about the pressures of finance and providing. But not until the weeks after I said “I do” was this understanding dropped on my lap. I was puzzled by this overwhelming need to want to make money, and thinking about how I was going to provide. Yes, I had a plan before marriage, but something changed drastically once married. My plan didn’t seem strong or real enough for the weight I was now feeling- to give me peace.

I have learned that it is an individual journey not a lonely one. I have to walk it out, no one can tell me what to do or how to do it, but I can learn from others on how they walked out their manhood and why. I can gain inspiration and encouragement from other men’s life to encourage me to walk out my journey with passion and courage. See, I am not alone, there are others living their own journey. I am the leader of my ship and I have to do things that no one else can do for me. That is why sometimes it may feel lonely, but really it is about you taking ownership of your life and discovering who you are and walking it out in the journey of manhood. You are never alone because you can gain support and encouragement from other men. You are on an individual journey because it is ultimately your decision and your vision that has to come to pass.

What I have learned and am continue to do is to draw from those men close and those far away. Taking what is encouraging from their life and what resonant with the vision I have for my life. Ultimately, I now see that God wants to show me personally the type of man He wants me to be. He is the role model that has now taken me under His wings. No longer does he want me to rely on another man to take me under their wings. No person can completely mentor me in all areas of my life; only God can.

Psalm 91

¹ Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
    will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
    he is my God, and I trust him.
³ For he will rescue you from every trap
    and protect you from deadly disease.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers.
    He will shelter you with his wings.
    His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
⁵ Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies in the day.
⁶ Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
    nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
⁷ Though a thousand fall at your side,
    though ten thousand are dying around you,
    these evils will not touch you.
⁸ Just open your eyes,
    and see how the wicked are punished.

⁹ If you make the Lord your refuge,
    if you make the Most High your shelter,
¹⁰ no evil will conquer you;
    no plague will come near your home.
¹¹ For he will order his angels
    to protect you wherever you go.
¹² They will hold you up with their hands
    so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
¹³ You will trample upon lions and cobras;
    you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

¹⁴ The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
    I will protect those who trust in my name.
¹⁵ When they call on me, I will answer;
    I will be with them in trouble.
    I will rescue and honor them.
¹⁶ I will reward them with a long life
    and give them my salvation.”

-Psalm 91 New Living Translation (NLT)

Duane

Pursuit of Manhood: My Purpose in writing about Manhood: A glimpse int...

Pursuit of Manhood: My Purpose in writing about Manhood: A glimpse int...: When I think back on how good it would have been to have someone talk to me about being a man, I am compelled to share my story and lessons...

My Purpose in writing about Manhood: A glimpse into my story

When I think back on how good it would have been to have someone talk to me about being a man, I am compelled to share my story and lessons I’ve learned to others that might be going through the same things. It would have been helpful to have a guide to show me the ropes; helping me to understand the type of man God is molding me to be; helping me in understanding the importance of managing my emotions, thoughts, and the pressure of providing. I guess just someone to talk to about the struggles I was going through. Some advice and words of wisdom would have been great coming from other men; hearing their stories of struggles and victories. I felt alone with no one to talk to. I was walking around ready to explode to any male that would ask me "so how are you doing?", "how is married life?", "how are you handling all the pressures of life?" Anytime someone came close to those questions I would get watery eyed and start pouring it all out on them.

This is my story, the feeling of no direction, during a time when I was responsible for someone who was looking to me for direction. A glimpse of my mind when I was in a world wind of mixed emotions and feelings:

“Why are things different since being married? Why does my world now seem so different? All these emotions I am feeling, where did they come from? I am not familiar with them. Why does it seem like there is no one to talk to. I need someone to help me navigate through these feelings. The pressure of providing is overwhelming. How do I tame this? How do I enter into a peaceful state of mind? I should be able to control my emotions; I have done it before when I was single. Why aren't things working like it use to? I can't calm down. What kind of madness is this? I need help someone calm me down; someone show me what is going on with me. Someone help me to understand what it is I am going through, and teach me to control it. Why has my purpose seem so vague now, why do I feel like I don't know where to go? This doesn't make sense; I've never felt this way. This is not the time to be an emotional mess, now is not the time to seem unsure of myself, values and mission in life. What is going on? I must be in an episode of the twilight's. This is not me. I am stronger than this, I am more confident than this. My spiritual muscles seem to be weakened by this new realm that I have entered into. Something has shifted, something has changed." 

"Outside of my head and emotions things are beautiful. This woman is amazing. I am happy, but I am always at war inside. This is so conflicting, so confusing. I am happy and at peace but also restless and anxious. How can someone be so happy and excited but afraid and confused?" 

"No guidance or mentor-ship - Where are the men that are supposed to bring me along through this war that has developed in me? Why has no one told me about this? Why has no one been talking about this and teaching this to other young men? We should be prepared for this? We should be trained for this. Everyone is too busy to talk, no one wants to ask the deep real questions that they know I am struggling with. Now you know things aren't all peaches with in my mind and emotions. You know that as a man we are battling this pressure of providing, leading, managing thoughts and emotions."

⁶ Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6

My purpose in writing about Manhood

What motivates me to write is the potential of encouraging someone else going through this journey of manhood. This journey demands bravery, passion and wisdom from the depths of our core. At times there will be no direction, no guidance, just the feeling of isolation on this unpaved road of manhood that you are on. But if you look closely and incline your ears and open your heart you will see, nearby there are other men on their own journey of unpaved roads drawing from the lives of those they see and hear about. This is an individual journey, not a lonely one. So let’s “Run Wild, Live Free, Love Strong”-For King & Country

           I am excited to be a man. I love who I have become, and who I am being groomed into. Every aspect of who I am is designed with purpose and great specificity. I am stronger today than I was yesterday, because each day I grow in understanding of who I am and what I was created for. Each day I get to embrace myself as a man. Each day I get to start fresh with new ideas and new experiences that add to me being great and impacting the world. I am confident in who I am and where I am going. It is not because I know the exactly details of where I am going. It is because I know who I am and who created me with love and purpose. 

          My heart is to bring other men into this knowledge and confidence. To bring light to the darkness of many young men lives; To show them that the core of their soul doesn’t have to be empty; To point them in the way to true joy and wholeness; To guide the willing and searching heart to ultimate manhood and purpose of living; To demonstrate what a relentless heart accomplishes when compelled by true love. To present freedom to the boy and young man that is held captive in bandages they never asked for, but was forced on them. My heart is to speak life into a dying soul, a broken heart and troubled mind. I am here to tell the man going through manhood, that there is hope; and to never stop fighting, never stop believing, and never stop loving.


Duane