Ownership

Manhood requires that you take ownership of your life. You must realize that your decisions matter. You have a choice in everything that you do, think and believe in. You can’t rely on others to tell you what to do, or how to think or what to believe in. You as a man have to make those decisions yourself. You need to have a resolve in yourself about what kind of man you want to be. No one can tell you what man to be or how to be it. The decisions that you make will be based on what you believe. You will need to take ownership of what you believe in. Everything that you will do will be based on what you believe. The belief system that you develop over the years will require you to defend it. You will have to stand alone at times, because of what you believe. No matter what area and topic in life it maybe, you will have to show strength in what you believe by backing it up with action.

For the young man that may not have had a father in their life or a man that was constantly present loving on them and pouring life wisdom into them about being a man, I have a couple of things to tell you. First, I am sorry that you have had to live a life without the constant positive image of a male role model. But what manhood requires now that childhood is behind you is to realize that your past does not have to dictate your future. You don’t need to be searching and waiting and hoping for someone to come along to be a role model in your life. You can take action, by taking ownership in the developmental process of yourself growing into the man you desire and are seeking to be. You can read books about different men and their life journey, drawing from what shaped and molded them. You can look back at all the men that have come into your life, whether for a year, a moment or even for just one word. You can rejoice in them leaving a mark. Because sometimes it is those one word golden nuggets, moments of wisdom and loving acknowledgement that will be engraved in your memory and ignite something in you that propels you into the man you are meant to be. So think back on all those times when someone has said or done something positive in your life. Grab hold of it and run with it. Add it to your library of manhood development.

My questions to you are: What is your belief system? What are your values and principles in life? These things will be your navigation, your compass in the decisions that you make and the path that you will pave. A man without a belief system, values and principles- is like a blank piece of paper being tossed endlessly around the land by the wind. This is the journey of manhood that builds foundation and stability. This is the search that every one of us must go on. These are the things that will help you to discover and understand who you are and your purpose. This is the time to get to know the real you; To be intimate with yourself in ways that scares you; To be honest with yourself when all you have is denial and lies that you tell yourself. This is where the fun begins. This is the adventure that waits when transitioning from childhood into manhood.

Take action in owning the responsibility of discovering, understanding and building your vision of being a man.

“Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” John 13:17

“The Lord our God said to us in Horeb, ‘You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Turn and take your journey, and go to the hill country of the Amorites…See, I have set the land before you. Go in and take possession…” Deuteronomy 1:6-8

“Arise, for this matter is your responsibility. We also are with you. Be of good courage, and do it.”Ezra 10:4

Duane

It is an Individual Journey not a lonely one

 I had always thought how lonely this journey of manhood was. At times of overwhelming moments and pressure I felt alone, that there was no one to talk to about what I was going through. Others guys didn’t seem to talk about the deep things that were happening in their lives. It seemed like you have to deal with whatever you were going through alone; never to involve anyone else. Yes, there were close friends and mentors. But it seemed like the issues of being a man was not talked about. This feeling really reared its ugly head when I became a husband. The pressure that I felt having to now provide and lead was crippling. I thought I was going to die from the weight of this role that I was learning and growing in. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have had many men from whom I was able to learn from and who have taken me under their wings and loved on me. I mainly experienced this during my college year’s just up to getting married. But as soon as I got married it seemed like everyone disappeared. My world shifted and I was now required to navigate this new world of husbandhood by myself. People would mention in secret codes on the pressures of being a husband but I couldn’t decode them. People mentioned, in what seemed to me, as riddles about the pressures of finance and providing. But not until the weeks after I said “I do” was this understanding dropped on my lap. I was puzzled by this overwhelming need to want to make money, and thinking about how I was going to provide. Yes, I had a plan before marriage, but something changed drastically once married. My plan didn’t seem strong or real enough for the weight I was now feeling- to give me peace.

I have learned that it is an individual journey not a lonely one. I have to walk it out, no one can tell me what to do or how to do it, but I can learn from others on how they walked out their manhood and why. I can gain inspiration and encouragement from other men’s life to encourage me to walk out my journey with passion and courage. See, I am not alone, there are others living their own journey. I am the leader of my ship and I have to do things that no one else can do for me. That is why sometimes it may feel lonely, but really it is about you taking ownership of your life and discovering who you are and walking it out in the journey of manhood. You are never alone because you can gain support and encouragement from other men. You are on an individual journey because it is ultimately your decision and your vision that has to come to pass.

What I have learned and am continue to do is to draw from those men close and those far away. Taking what is encouraging from their life and what resonant with the vision I have for my life. Ultimately, I now see that God wants to show me personally the type of man He wants me to be. He is the role model that has now taken me under His wings. No longer does he want me to rely on another man to take me under their wings. No person can completely mentor me in all areas of my life; only God can.

Psalm 91

¹ Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
    will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
² This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
    he is my God, and I trust him.
³ For he will rescue you from every trap
    and protect you from deadly disease.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers.
    He will shelter you with his wings.
    His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
⁵ Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies in the day.
⁶ Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
    nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
⁷ Though a thousand fall at your side,
    though ten thousand are dying around you,
    these evils will not touch you.
⁸ Just open your eyes,
    and see how the wicked are punished.

⁹ If you make the Lord your refuge,
    if you make the Most High your shelter,
¹⁰ no evil will conquer you;
    no plague will come near your home.
¹¹ For he will order his angels
    to protect you wherever you go.
¹² They will hold you up with their hands
    so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
¹³ You will trample upon lions and cobras;
    you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

¹⁴ The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
    I will protect those who trust in my name.
¹⁵ When they call on me, I will answer;
    I will be with them in trouble.
    I will rescue and honor them.
¹⁶ I will reward them with a long life
    and give them my salvation.”

-Psalm 91 New Living Translation (NLT)

Duane

Pursuit of Manhood: My Purpose in writing about Manhood: A glimpse int...

Pursuit of Manhood: My Purpose in writing about Manhood: A glimpse int...: When I think back on how good it would have been to have someone talk to me about being a man, I am compelled to share my story and lessons...

My Purpose in writing about Manhood: A glimpse into my story

When I think back on how good it would have been to have someone talk to me about being a man, I am compelled to share my story and lessons I’ve learned to others that might be going through the same things. It would have been helpful to have a guide to show me the ropes; helping me to understand the type of man God is molding me to be; helping me in understanding the importance of managing my emotions, thoughts, and the pressure of providing. I guess just someone to talk to about the struggles I was going through. Some advice and words of wisdom would have been great coming from other men; hearing their stories of struggles and victories. I felt alone with no one to talk to. I was walking around ready to explode to any male that would ask me "so how are you doing?", "how is married life?", "how are you handling all the pressures of life?" Anytime someone came close to those questions I would get watery eyed and start pouring it all out on them.

This is my story, the feeling of no direction, during a time when I was responsible for someone who was looking to me for direction. A glimpse of my mind when I was in a world wind of mixed emotions and feelings:

“Why are things different since being married? Why does my world now seem so different? All these emotions I am feeling, where did they come from? I am not familiar with them. Why does it seem like there is no one to talk to. I need someone to help me navigate through these feelings. The pressure of providing is overwhelming. How do I tame this? How do I enter into a peaceful state of mind? I should be able to control my emotions; I have done it before when I was single. Why aren't things working like it use to? I can't calm down. What kind of madness is this? I need help someone calm me down; someone show me what is going on with me. Someone help me to understand what it is I am going through, and teach me to control it. Why has my purpose seem so vague now, why do I feel like I don't know where to go? This doesn't make sense; I've never felt this way. This is not the time to be an emotional mess, now is not the time to seem unsure of myself, values and mission in life. What is going on? I must be in an episode of the twilight's. This is not me. I am stronger than this, I am more confident than this. My spiritual muscles seem to be weakened by this new realm that I have entered into. Something has shifted, something has changed." 

"Outside of my head and emotions things are beautiful. This woman is amazing. I am happy, but I am always at war inside. This is so conflicting, so confusing. I am happy and at peace but also restless and anxious. How can someone be so happy and excited but afraid and confused?" 

"No guidance or mentor-ship - Where are the men that are supposed to bring me along through this war that has developed in me? Why has no one told me about this? Why has no one been talking about this and teaching this to other young men? We should be prepared for this? We should be trained for this. Everyone is too busy to talk, no one wants to ask the deep real questions that they know I am struggling with. Now you know things aren't all peaches with in my mind and emotions. You know that as a man we are battling this pressure of providing, leading, managing thoughts and emotions."

⁶ Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6

My purpose in writing about Manhood

What motivates me to write is the potential of encouraging someone else going through this journey of manhood. This journey demands bravery, passion and wisdom from the depths of our core. At times there will be no direction, no guidance, just the feeling of isolation on this unpaved road of manhood that you are on. But if you look closely and incline your ears and open your heart you will see, nearby there are other men on their own journey of unpaved roads drawing from the lives of those they see and hear about. This is an individual journey, not a lonely one. So let’s “Run Wild, Live Free, Love Strong”-For King & Country

           I am excited to be a man. I love who I have become, and who I am being groomed into. Every aspect of who I am is designed with purpose and great specificity. I am stronger today than I was yesterday, because each day I grow in understanding of who I am and what I was created for. Each day I get to embrace myself as a man. Each day I get to start fresh with new ideas and new experiences that add to me being great and impacting the world. I am confident in who I am and where I am going. It is not because I know the exactly details of where I am going. It is because I know who I am and who created me with love and purpose. 

          My heart is to bring other men into this knowledge and confidence. To bring light to the darkness of many young men lives; To show them that the core of their soul doesn’t have to be empty; To point them in the way to true joy and wholeness; To guide the willing and searching heart to ultimate manhood and purpose of living; To demonstrate what a relentless heart accomplishes when compelled by true love. To present freedom to the boy and young man that is held captive in bandages they never asked for, but was forced on them. My heart is to speak life into a dying soul, a broken heart and troubled mind. I am here to tell the man going through manhood, that there is hope; and to never stop fighting, never stop believing, and never stop loving.


Duane