Parenthood

When you become a parent, it is no longer about you.  When you have a child to raise, your life is not for you to do whatever you want. When you bring another precious life into this world, you have to make decisions that are for the best this precious life. No more can you embrace and act on the ideal of “what's in it for me”. You embrace and act on the ideal of what's best for this little child.

Selflessness is what being a parent is about; sacrificing your wants for the needs of your child; putting their well being before your comfort and preferences.  This is not easy but it is do able with perfect love; Genuine agape love.

Being a parent requires you to make decisions that demonstrate love and wisdom for your child. It is not simple to make certain decision. It can be downright difficult when it hurts your core but it is needed for their growth and development.

Our kids need us to make the difficult decisions. They need to see how it's done. They need to see the strength that it takes to make those tough calls.

Our kids are completely relying on us to take care of them. They are relying on us to make the best decisions for their lives, and to set them up to be successful and grow into mature adults. They have no choice and say in the matter. They are helpless to our decisions for their lives until they are grown enough to make decisions for themselves. We need to realize the precious gift and serious responsibility of caring for them, protecting them and grooming them into mature, wise and productive men and women for this world; their world that we are leaving to them. Our gift and legacy to the world is our children.

Duane

Fatherhood

That child you’re holding is the best of you. How you treat yourself will ultimately show through your interaction with that little one.   

           

When you first hold that little baby, you have begun to live life holding your heart in your hands. That precious child is your heart and you will protect your heart no matter what. This is parenthood; this is the driving force in fatherhood- loving with your heart exposed to the elements of the world.

Your reason for living has shifted. You have entered into a different realm of existing. The reasons that use to cause you to live move and breathe have changed. You need to quickly adapt to this new environment, to this new way of existing. You begin to see the world as your parents see's it. Now you see through the eyes of a father.

* This warm soft beating freshly delivered baby sits into the crevasses of my arms and chest. The rhythm of its pulsing body is familiar to me. This rhythm is the rhythm of my heart.

One of the most comforting thing as a parent is knowing that your child knows that you love them.

Managing your Emotions: The emotions of a man

One of the most fundamental things that you need to continue to master in life is managing your emotions. This is true for everyone who has emotions, basically every human being. Especially being a man, you are given great power and responsibility and are required to be able to not lord your power and responsibilities over others. If you have no management system to regulate your emotions, it will destroy everything you attempt to build. If you allow your emotions to grow untamed and groomed, then you will be a volatile person resembling a volcano that erupts with the slightest change of wind pattern.

Relationships are most impacted by managed and unmanaged emotions. When you are quick to scream and yell at a family member because they said or did something that was not favorable, you have demonstrated unmanaged emotions. You have chosen to not show self-control and to hurt this person with your words and actions. More importantly you have chosen to give this person power over you to control you and cause you to erupt; you have allowed them to pull you away from a place of peace and equilibrium to a place of chaos and unbalance (confusion). Yes it is your choice; you don’t have to blow up. You don’t have to let someone’s words or actions offend you. If you do, you are choosing to be offended. You are choosing to give someone’s words and actions power. Power to disrupt your life. Power to bring chaos and confusion to your mind and heart. They have thrown you off your game. Other people don’t defeat us, we allow ourselves to be defeated. We defeat ourselves.

As a man you need to learn how to manage your emotions especially when you have a wife, i.e. learning to be forgiving; showing her grace and mercy endlessly; choosing not to be mad at her mistakes; choosing not to blow up when she says or does something not beneficial to you or the marriage, no matter how small or big. Does that mean we don’t get hurt; of course not! We are humans and we have feelings. We can’t deny those feeling and emotions. Managing your emotions is not denying your feelings. It is not becoming stone cold and not caring about people, yourself or the world. It is not being apathetic.

Managing your emotions is being honest about how you feel, choosing to deal with it and choosing to respond in a beneficial way to both you and the surrounding party involved. It is choosing to remember who you are and your worth and value and choosing to reject negativity directed at you. It is choosing to keep silent first, so you can listen; giving you the correct information to respond to the situation at hand. It is waiting, observing and assessing the situation before responding. It is not reacting. Reacting is the opposite of responding. In reacting you have no control; you are a slave, a victim to what is happening to you. You have relinquished your right and authority to choose. When you choose to respond you are not a victim or slave, but a victor and a free man.

These qualities of victory and freedom are crucial in your leading as a man and being an influence in the world around you.

Proverbs 16:32

“Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.” 

Transitioning to Manhood

Childhood is your preparation for transitioning into manhood.

One of the greatest challenges in manhood is no longer interacting with the world as a child, but as a man. Your goal is to make this as smooth as possible. Unfortunately there is always an area of your life that breaks you into manhood. A smooth transition is ideal. But, There is a price to pay to be a man. There’s a cost. It requires hard work, focus, determination and persistence like no other. It is one of the most naturally painful process, and beautiful in every way.

You can’t run away from it. It will hunt you down, because you were created for it. You were designed to be a man, a God type man. It is our destiny. We do have the choice of how we want that to play out. You can embrace it and flourish or elude and be humbled. Either way you will experience the journey called manhood.

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”- 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NKJV)

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside.”- 1 Corinthians 13:11 (AMP)

“I put the ways of childhood behind me”- 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)

It is time to hang up the title of childhood. It is time to build a new way of thinking. It is time to develop new actions that represent responsible excellence.

How do you view yourself compared to other adults? Adults older than you?

How do you view education, work, money, women, children, house, cars, family, parents, siblings, religion, politics, etc. now as an adult than when you were a child? 

The eyes of a child are innocent. Everything about a child is innocent. Then experiences start to mold and shape that child into an adult whose perspectives have changed and preferences has formed and beliefs developed.

You’ve made your mark as a boy. Now how do you make your mark as a man? The rules are different the land is abstract. Everything you knew and understood as a child will be challenged and reshaped as a man. Knowledge and wisdom have before a familiar friend. They need to be, in order to survive and navigate this abstract shift to the world of manhood.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."- Romans 12:2 (ESV)

Duane

Role Models

As a Christian man, I have a standard to follow in all my relationships and roles in life.

As a husband, I have the standard and example of loving my wife like Jesus has loved his bride; the church. In order to do this I need to know, understand and experience God’s love for me.

As a father, I have the standard and image of my heavenly father to model after towards my kids. I know how to be a father, because I have experienced the heart of The Father.

As a son, I have the standard and pattern of what son-ship looks like; from the life of Jesus and his interactions with his earthly parents and his Heavenly Father.

As a friend, I have the standard and illustration of true friendship; a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

As a leader, I have the standard and depiction of true leadership to follow from; servant leadership and leading by example is my foundation and identity of leadership.

As men we have a model to follow. God didn’t leave us on this earth to completely figure things out on our own. He has given himself and his Son for us to model after. He helps us by starting with the male figures in our lives. Some of us have a father figure, others don’t, some have good figures others have destructive figures that don’t deserve being called a father.

The men that we see, we can draw from their lives. Whether they are aware of us observing them or not, we can observe and learn. We can take their good and discard their bad and develop ourselves into the men that we want to be- which should align with what God wants us to be. Just because you may not have had a father figure in your life or a good one doesn’t mean you are hopeless or out of luck. You have the ability and power to learn from other men by reading about them, watching them and actually building relationships with other men that you admire. Picking what you like and throwing away what you don’t.

“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” - 1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV)

^“22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. ²³ Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. ²⁴ Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.”- Ephesians 4:22-24 (NLT)

“ Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. ² Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.”- Ephesians 5:1-2 (NLT)

^“17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. ¹⁸ And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

- 2 Corinthians 3:17-18 (ESV)

Duane

Jesus is the Essence of manhood

I was trying to write for the man without Jesus in his heart, but it is impossible to talk about manhood without talking about Jesus and the Father heart of God. The principles and values from which I am living my life as a man, is through Jesus and Biblical truth. I can't lead another man through manhood without showing him Jesus my Lord and Savior. To do so would be a disservice to the one I'm leading and to Jesus who leads me. I can't take the credit for the life I am living as a man. I need to be able to boast about how God has changed me, healed me and made me into a new man; a godly man after his own heart.

The truth is, we can't begin to genuinely walk through the journey of manhood without embracing God and all he has done for us. Once you have accepted the beloved son of God then you can start the journey of understanding and knowing what a man is and who the man you are suppose to be.

Only once you embrace the need of a savior and realize that Jesus is the way and truth to manhood, then you can grab hold of authentic manhood. So I will not water down my message of manhood for the fear of running people away. I am convinced that this will be for the person who is looking for Jesus, and whom Jesus is calling.
            

  My approach is to show you how Jesus is the essence of Manhood by sharing how he has transformed me into the man I am today and continues to transform me. I will share with you the truths he has shown me each day I walk this earth as a man.

The reason why we branch out into manhood away from other men guiding us, is so we can find Jesus who is the essence of manhood. We need to learn how to be guided by him and the only way is to actually be guided by him. No crutches, no running to the shoulders of an earthly man. Only the arms of Jesus do you run to daily. Nothing anyone says to you will resonate with you at this point because only the words and voice of Jesus can penetrate to the core of your manhood. Only Jesus can activate who you are and where you are going. 

To know the Father you have to rely on him as a son. To know the son you have to look up to him and follow him as a younger brother. To know the Groom you have to submit and love like a bride. To know the Holy Spirit as Counselor and reveal-er of truth, you have to receive like someone willing to be counseled and a seeker of truth. In order to know- you have to be what it takes to receive the knowledge. You have to act in order to receive the experience.