When I think back on how good it would have
been to have someone talk to me about being a man, I am compelled to share my
story and lessons I’ve learned to others that might be going through the same things.
It would have been helpful to have a guide to show me the ropes; helping me to
understand the type of man God is molding me to be; helping me in understanding
the importance of managing my emotions, thoughts, and the pressure of
providing. I guess just someone to talk to about the struggles I was going
through. Some advice and words of wisdom would have been great coming from
other men; hearing their stories of struggles and victories. I felt alone with
no one to talk to. I was walking around ready to explode to any male that would
ask me "so how are you doing?", "how is married life?",
"how are you handling all the pressures of life?" Anytime someone came
close to those questions I would get watery eyed and start pouring it all out
on them.
This is my story, the feeling of no direction, during
a time when I was responsible for someone who was looking to me for direction.
A glimpse of my mind when I was in a world wind of mixed emotions and feelings:
“Why are things different since being married? Why
does my world now seem so different? All these emotions I am feeling,
where did they come from? I am not familiar with them. Why does it seem like
there is no one to talk to. I need someone to help me navigate through
these feelings. The pressure of providing is overwhelming. How do I tame this? How
do I enter into a peaceful state of mind? I should be able to control my emotions;
I have done it before when I was single. Why aren't things working like it use
to? I can't calm down. What kind of madness is this? I need help someone calm
me down; someone show me what is going on with me. Someone help me to understand
what it is I am going through, and teach me to control it. Why has my purpose
seem so vague now, why do I feel like I don't know where to go? This doesn't
make sense; I've never felt this way. This is not the time to be an
emotional mess, now is not the time to seem unsure of myself, values and
mission in life. What is going on? I must be in an episode of
the twilight's. This is not me. I am stronger than this, I am
more confident than this. My spiritual muscles seem to be weakened by this
new realm that I have entered into. Something has
shifted, something has changed."
"Outside of my head and emotions things are
beautiful. This woman is amazing. I am happy, but I am always at war inside. This
is so conflicting, so confusing. I am happy and at peace but also restless and
anxious. How can someone be so happy and excited but afraid and confused?"
"No guidance or mentor-ship - Where are
the men that are supposed to bring me along through this war that
has developed in me? Why has no one told me about this? Why has
no one been talking about this and teaching this to other young men? We should
be prepared for this? We should be trained for this. Everyone is too busy to
talk, no one wants to ask the deep real questions that they know I am
struggling with. Now you know things aren't all peaches with in my mind and
emotions. You know that as a man we are battling this pressure of providing,
leading, managing thoughts and emotions."
6 Be strong
and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your
God, He is the
One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy
31:6
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